Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
