ya dads aren't the best wingmen
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
