Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
