So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
