mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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