I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
