How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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