When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
