Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
