Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
