My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
