I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
