You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
