She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
