Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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