I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
