y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
