he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
