god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I yelled at your uterus for you.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
