no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
