I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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