Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
