Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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