whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
