I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
