not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
