just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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