At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
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