Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
