I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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