theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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