She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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