I'd wear matching sweaters with you
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
