were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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