also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize