remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
