even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
