I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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