I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
