You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
