I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
