she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i came on her dog
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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