her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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