If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
