my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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