Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize