Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
