Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
