..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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