thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I think your dad took our porno
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
