I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
