hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Houston, we have a blender
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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