billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
