He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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