So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
