The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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