did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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