My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
