Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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