I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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