Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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