I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
