you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
