trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
