You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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