Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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