Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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