I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
