i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
